Horses teach us so much… and some of it even has to do with horses. In this article dressage diva, social media queen, and The Off Side columnist Georgie Roberts contemplates what our equine educators can subtly show us about the battlefield-meet-ballroom that is social media, and how to dodge the abundant manure on both.
Being popular on social media used to be like being the fastest Shetland at the Summer Cup… not much use at all. Then the Zucc monetised the whole thing, allowed some fascists to advertise their political campaigns, and suddenly the whole world is holding the talking stick at once. No one is ever more prepared for anarchy and chaos than the horse world, however…
ONE: IT IS HARDER THAT IT LOOKS, SO MAYBE SSSH
Mark Twain said it is better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak aloud and remove all doubt, and nowhere is this truer for the boombox of stupidity that is social media. We have given amplifiers to the everyman, and a platform for people to share their politics and ponies while galleries shriek both biased adoration and vile abuse. But before we insist we could do it better, be it running a country or jumping an open track, we should all channel our memories of that first rising trot. Never has anything looked so easy, and also made everyone look like such a poephol.
When radio DJ Roger Goode bemoaned dressage at the Olympics, saying the horse did all the work, outraged and unfit equestrians everywhere sommer lit up their pitchforks to expedite the lynching. Clearly the solution was to invite him for a nice relaxing sitting trot lesson at a dressage show while the showjumpers held a lap of honour next door. Don’t fight the stupid: ignore it or silence it.
TWO: ALL THE EXPERTS ARE ON THE FLOOR, NOT THE HORSE
Sunday quarterbacks are like Monday judges are like opinions on social media – and the people advocating turmeric over vaccines on Facebook are seldom immunologists. Every time someone chirps “Why don’t you…” I have to bite my fist and fight the overwhelming urge to interject WHY DON’T YOU GET ON OR GET LOST (but I don’t, because apparently it is rude and there are disciplinary hearings for those sort of comments). But what I can tell you is that it is SELDOM someone worthy of input who is actually offering their input. Au contraire, mon ami fatigué, it is usually someone who rode their sister’s horse twice ten years ago and didn’t fall off offering their expertise, like it is never a lawyer who actually threatens a lawsuit.
I WISH GP riders would offer random advice, but alas, people usually charge for valuable insights.
Similarly, there is always one weapons grade moron [thanks Duncan] on Twitter with an option on parenting, and they NEVER have children. Actual parents are like actual riders – we know we are one booger or buck away from forced humility, so we shut up.
THREE: DON’T TALK KAK WHEN YOU’RE ON YOUR HIGH HORSE
And don’t sling mud when you are behind a screen if you wouldn’t do it in person. It is easy to be mouthy when you are riding away from someone or miles away on your phone, but you shouldn’t do this, because Karma. She isn’t a bitch, she just has a GPS and a great sense of humour, and you WILL find yourself sitting opposite them at a dinner party, mostly because of #5.
FOUR: THE PEANUT GALLERY ISN’T ON THE PODIUM
I really can’t stress this enough. The most vocal people on social media are seldom the business tycoons, the effective activists, the brilliant politicians, or the Dalai Lama. Why is this? Maybe it’s because those people are busy doing things that matter, like the best trainers are the ones who duck the flying turds and work their way up to holding a championship cup. Take insight from when it comes and remember: criticism never comes from those who are doing more than you are.
FIVE: TWO DEGREES OF SEPARATION
If social media and horses have anything in common it is a) that the world is small and b) everyone who you like will hate someone else who you like. You can’t throw everyone away (unless they are siff, like #10, in which case you should chase them like an auctioneer in a round pen). Some of the best people to me in the horse world have been universally reviled by others, while some of the WORST are respected members of our incestuous fraternity. This makes birthday parties fun, but in the way that bungee jumping is fun: Will someone be killed? WHO KNOWS, IT IS SO EXCITING! My best advice is to be forewarned, but keep an open mind… your brain probably won’t fall out.
SIX: IF TWITTER ATTRACTS TWITS, THEN DO HORSES ATTRACT…
I’m joking. But certain platforms DO attract a certain quality of person, and horses attract terrible people – I say this confidently as a terrible person. I think it’s because they are really nice, and we all desperately want a piece of that. But whenever you are about to passionately engage with someone, be mindful of where you are and who you are likely to bump into there. For example, never fight with a man in a cut-off shirt from Fourways, a vegan woman on a community parenting group… or an endurance rider at an FEI AGM. Too soon?
SEVEN: WATCH WHO PICKS YOU UP OFF THE FLOOR
The real opportunities for connection and relationships lie with those whose morals don’t abandon them when they become unpopular, and who don’t abandon their friends when they fall (literally and figuratively). It is a great gauge of people and their principles to see who is by your side when you get planted, lose a championship, ride like an arse… or similarly when you behave like an arse. My best friends remain those who stand by me one hundred percent, but equally who tell me to get my shit together when I am very wrong – and then help me to fix it. The false environment of social media often needs recalibrating by people who balance their time between choosing their fight, while refusing to stay complicitly silent when others baulk. Wrong stays wrong, even if everyone insists it is right, and who supports you in these dark corners is a good indicator of character.
EIGHT: SHOWS ARE NOT THE PLACE FOR AUTHENTICITY
The air-kissing and ass-kissing of Instagram and horse shows are fun, but don’t believe your own press on either. Just like a lucky championship win doesn’t make a rider, a filter doesn’t make you beautiful inside. Stay real. Yeet* those filters and fake friends into the sun, along with your ego. In a world where so much is not real, it is refreshing to encounter genuine emotion and genuine connection. Seek it out, attract it by being it, and you will be amazed at the results. I’m not speaking about boobs or false tails. There is also a place for fakeness, and that is IT, PEOPLE.
[*2020 has given us many gifts, least which is the addition of the word “yeet” into the Oxford Dictionary, along with “irregardless”.]
NINE: THE WORK HAPPENS BEHIND THE SCENES, NOT ON A BIG SCREEN
Beware of comparing your daily experiences with someone’s highlights. It is easy to see rosettes and romantic getaways on social media and feel envious or depressed by comparison, but that’s just it – comparison is the thief of joy. Very few people post their bad days, their tired days, the days that things go very badly wrong. They post their wedding but not their affair, their win but not their fall. Don’t compare yourself to photoshop – to quote a photographer friend, “Not even the girl on the cover of the magazine looks like the girl on the cover of the magazine.” Those people posting their great shows have all had a lucky day, sure, but to quote the great Player himself, the more you practice, the luckier you get.
TEN: THERE ARE REAL-LIFE CONSEQUENCES FOR BEING A JERK. AMEN.
If you are mean to people, when you are getting beaten up in a corner everyone will graciously turn their cheek to allow karma to tip her scales. If you are mean to your horse, your horse will remember and invite humility to join you in the saddle. The moral of the story is don’t be an asshole, and as people who have had their social media scanned by prospective employers will tell you, there is a long and visceral history of asshole behaviour now available to haunt us. If you haven’t done anything wrong, you don’t need to worry, but realistically these days the adage to “always be your true self” is terrible advice if you are a racist homophobic misogynist, because people WILL find out, you WILL be owned, and you WILL be fired / sued / dumped. And it’s a thing of beauty, because it saves many people the agony of months of investment only to discover their new cherrie is a Trump supporter. Viva, Facebook, for being more effective than Tinder at narrowing the search!
Now excuse me while I go share this to social media.
